14. Forever & Always

“Everything I need is right here by my side; I’m only up when you’re not down, don’t wanna fly if you’re still on the ground-  it’s like, no matter what I do… I’m only me when I’m with you!”
– Taylor Swift

I don’t believe in coincidence. I know that not everyone will agree with me, especially Igor, [ ironically? ] but I believe everything happens for a reason, as there are way, way too many synchronicities in my life!! Take this post for example: the perfect timing to discuss my Isgees would be right here. It also just so happens to be number -* 14 *- in the timeline. I may not have had >everything< completely written to this point, but I did have an ideal timeline since I was originally writing a book. It was actually Igor who suggested I blog instead. He believes that I have an important story to tell, but also a uniquely-different perspective in my current life, as a chronically ill wife and mother to children with their own challenges. <- Color me impressed; he’s not wrong!

So where is the synchronicity you ask? Igor and I met and started dating -* 14 *- years ago, this past week… booom, mind blowing, huh? But no seriously, what are the odds? I know I have a few mathematicians in my life but even they have to admit you get chills reading that! There’s more along the way within our story, don’t worry. For 1) or is it technically 2)? Eh, how about we just go with it and not number them because it’ll likely become too confusing for us both. (And yeesss, I know technically that “should have” had a question mark ending because of the [how about], but quite frankly it just didn’t sit right with me.) ANYWAY… given current events, wouldn’t you say that synchronicity is at play once again, given that Igor immigrated here from Ukraine? More or less that his/our story (post) just so happens to align with what’s going on currently in his hometown. Or the fact that when he moved here initially, he lived down the street and was friends with my cousins from Oak Park, 40 minutes away from where I grew up? I’m tellin’ ya – nothing happens by chance!

After my heart was shattered, my mom and her friend tried hooking me up with a waiter (who was working on his masters in mathematics, ^  ironic…). He was a newly-divorced, single father who had recently moved out of the house located right next to my elementary school, to an apartment just up the road from where I live now. His name was Gary and after one date we both didn’t see it going anywhere. Now, if you’re unaware of this, it’s not uncommon for Eastern Europeans to change their names after immigrating here. Wanna know what Igor’s parents wanted him to change his name to but he refused? If you’re thinking, “Gary” – then you’d be correct! ::facemeetpalm:: Freakin’ synchronicity, I’m telling you!!

One day I was messing around on Myspace (awe, I miss making those custom profiles! Too bad I have completely forgotten any and all coding I knew by heart. Don’t use it – you lose it, right?) and saw someone talking about a new site, My Yearbook or something like that, and out of curiosity I clicked on it to check it out. I honestly do not remember anything about the site but I think it was a failed attempt to be the next new Myspace/Facebook. There was an article on the first page of some male celebrity talking about how you don’t have to be Jewish to join *Jdate*. Jdate? WTF is that? Turns out it’s an online Jewish dating site. I had never tried, let alone considered, joining an online dating site. I was still young, but sure, why the hell not? Growing up in Canton [01. Hello] there really wasn’t any exposure to Jewish guys so I joined for shits and giggles, never expecting to seriously find someone! I am not religious [I’d consider myself spiritual, however.] nor am I fully Jewish. It’s funny, In Jewish culture if your mother is Jewish, you’re Jewish. Yet, in Catholic tradition you follow your father’s religion. It’s no wonder I’ve had trouble discovering the real me – I’ve been mixed up since day one! HA, ha.

At first I didn’t pay anything because you can have a free account, ::PausesForInappropriatStereotypicalLaugher:: but if you wanted to message and actually connect with someone, you needed a paid account. I figured I’d give it a month since you had to pay monthly. The very first day I spent like an hour, maybe 2, just browsing around reading people’s profiles when I should have been doing homework. I really didn’t want to pay, but I just kept going back to this one profile in particular. His answers to the preset questions just drew me in. I could barely even see what he looked like because his profile picture was of him crouched down by a car, at night, from a distance. Really? Seems odd for a dating profile photo but okay – it wasn’t his photo that drew me in anyway, so it didn’t matter that I couldn’t really see him. That’s when I actually discovered you had to pay because I just felt drawn to messaging him. In the meantime other people had messaged me and I chatted with a few guys but I was more fixated on waiting to see how the first guy would respond to my message.

Two days. I didn’t hear back from him for two days. Why is that? I could insert the inappropriate reasoning for my laughing earlier… buuuut let’s just say he didn’t want to pay for the account either. He sat on it because apparently he had been trying the whole >online dating thing< and it wasn’t working for him. He decided to take a break for a while. Apparently it’s not uncommon for someone to message you just saying, “hey” <- which, why? If you’re interested in getting to know someone why would you just say, “hey’? I guess that shows where you stand as far as maturity goes. He didn’t want to pay just to get a message like that, and honestly, I can’t blame him. But see, if you knew him, you’d know that he is -way- too curious of a person to just let it go. The battle between “wasting money” and his curiosity came to a halt on February 26th, 2008.

To his surprise, it wasn’t just a “hey” but a rather lengthy message responding to most of his profile questionnaire. He responded but his “signature” at the bottom of the message was so far down, like if I wouldn’t have scrolled down all the way I would have missed it. That said, sitting across from my mom I admittedly asked, “What’s I, G, O, R?” ::turnsred:: In my defense, I knew that the name Igor was spelled that way, but I was so confused as it was so far down, alone, with nothing else, that I wasn’t sure if it was some short hand/phrase I wasn’t aware of in the online dating world. Kind of like A/S/L from when chat rooms first started becoming popular. And we can’t forget that I grew up in Canton. While it may have been a very diverse area, there certainly weren’t many, if any, Russians/Ukrainians known in the mix… It was a blonde moment, okay? Geez. Also, I was blonde at the time so I can get away with the excuse! ;-p

And from that day on, they lived happily ever after. <3
– The end. 

{{Bahahah! I don’t think I could say that with a straight face even if I tried!}}

Oh man, there is so much to say in regards to us and I don’t know what to say when or where, I mean 14 years is almost half my lifetime!

After that first message exchange, we couldn’t stop talking. We spoke on AIM practically day and night – which was super productive when you have school and work to worry about. Our connection was immediate. Talking to each other from day one just felt so natural, like I was talking to a best friend. I was myself, I was up front about my health (which, he didn’t understand the complexities at the time but it didn’t prevent him from getting to know me – yet.) I looked forward to telling him about my day. I was honest from the very beginning and told him that there were other people from the site who were interested in getting to know me. He was patient and understanding. I only ended up going out on one date with one other guy from the site. But again, I  was honest and talked with Igor prior to and immediately after. He wished me luck and asked how it went. We had a legitimate friendship right off the bat! Deep down, I knew there was more to this than just a friendship or just some guy I’d date without it actually going anywhere. Due to past relationships, it was difficult to be vulnerable. I had a habit of starting to get close only to push away before I’d allow myself to really develop feelings. I remember writing this long email explaining my history with that and basically begged him not to allow me to try and push him away. I didn’t want to run, I knew there was more between us but I also knew myself; which is why I had to come right out and be honest. But you know what? That feeling of running, of pushing away before getting too close… that feeling never came!!

My birthday was almost 2 weeks after we started talking and I invited him to dinner with friends, though he declined. We hadn’t actually met in person yet so I understood, it’d be weird and uncomfortable, especially for how quiet he is. Which, I gotta be honest, I had no idea was legit because he seemed so open and entertaining with me, you’d never know he struggled with small talk! I joke that he just didn’t want to get me a birthday gift. <- & no I won’t let him deny that being any part of the decision, ha, ha. We talked for nearly a month before we had our first date. Literally day and night. Knowing now how invested he gets when he has a gaming need to be met, (Almost like an addict needing their fix only it doesn’t last. Actually now that I think about it, any time he has a new interest he’s all in, all of the time, until his itch has been scratched and he’s moved on.) I feel honored and special that he was investing so much time talking with me, while simultaneously playing W.O.W. in the evenings. I must have been the new [all in, all of the time] interest for him… he just never moved on. <3

By the time our first date came I was nervous, but also at peace. I remember sitting in the parking lot talking to my mom when I saw him pull up and park; instant butterflies. Our plan was to meet up at Fountain Walk in Novi for Cold Stone and glow golf – a cute, simple first date. We “met” for the first time, right there in the parking lot between what was once Hooters and Emagine… classy.

{{ 42*29’24.4”N and 83*29’04.1”W }} <- We have a wooden sign in our family room with the coordinates saying, “where it all began”.

I’m pretty cheesy like that. Actually, I prefer sentimental. So, I’m pretty sentimental like that!

I’m a very affectionate person. I hug everyone, snuggle next to my friends to watch a movie, etc. Being a male raised within the Russian culture, Igor was not used to affection, at all. So when I hugged him when we first met it was a little awkward. And during putt putt when I’d pass him to move out of the way, I’d lightly caress his back or arm or whatever, just needing that physical connection. I was already falling for the guy, hard, it was difficult not being closer. I mean, we had been talking day and night for nearly a month; he easily quickly became one of my best friends! He says it was “sweet” looking back but didn’t know how to react at the time. Due to history, my mother was on high alert, knew what our plans were and whatnot. Thing is, we didn’t want the date to end. We ended up going to see a movie, Vantage Point, during which time my mother felt it necessary to call me multiple times. When I wasn’t answering she called Putting Edge looking for me, imagine her embarrassment when they asked her how old I was. ::crieslaughing:: No, looking back I probably should have filled her in but at the same time, I was an adult. I understand her worry, though out of character for her; I find the whole thing hilarious. After the movie we headed over to 12 Oak’s Mall to walk and talk more. The date lasted over 5 hours!! We genuinely just enjoyed being together. When I hugged him goodbye I was too chicken shit to do so, but I wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek so bad, ha,ha! Our second date was 3 days later and our third – 4 days after that; while also continuing to talk day and night. I don’t even know what we talked about but we couldn’t get enough.