11. Childhood Friendships +

‘Childhood friendship is the most beautiful memory that can never be replaced.’ – Unknown

Lauren; my sissy-poo, has already been discussed a bit back in post [02. Dad] – but after 6th grade she moved about 35/40 minutes away for her mom’s new job. You always grow apart when people move, however we’re ~family~. We may not have seen each other often but we remained very close. Anytime we did get together it was like no time had ever passed, we never skipped a beat. Update: she’s still very much a part of my life (30 years this year!) and prior to Covid we tried to get together monthly with our moms. She made me an Auntie and it’s the best feeling knowing that our kids are going to grow up together. Even if mine are older, lol.

I’ve mentioned my tiny but mighty, strong willed friend Jessie [06. High school] but I haven’t really discussed her. Jessie has a twin sister, Jenna, so it’s ironic that while I was friends with both of them, Jessie and I were closer. They were a year younger and lived across the street from Lauren. Small world moment, when their mom stopped working to have them, my dad was hired to replace her at his current job. We didn’t find that out until many years later. Also an ironic fun fact, my mom had a nanny, who then went on to work for my dad’s boss (before he was my dad’s boss) and then quit working for his boss to work for my parents (again, before he was my dad’s boss). Seriously crazy 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon we’ve got going on over here! Their mom was (is?) an alcoholic and they were very much victims to life with an addict parent. There were a few times throughout our friendship that their mom didn’t want them hanging out with me for no other reason other than her need to control. Which sucked because Jess and I were best friends. We were basically inseparable in middle school. By the time Jessie was in 11th grade, life at home was so bad that she actually moved in with my mom and I. That’s why she was with us that day seeing the principal. She was also with us because around that time, Jessie – your typical straight A/B+ student, decided she was done with high school bullshit and dropped out. Figured I was going for my GED. Why shouldn’t she? … Like I said, a victim of life with an addict parent. Update: I’ll always love her and wish her well, but unfortunately the friendship was just too toxic to maintain. She met my husband once after we were engaged, though I haven’t seen her since.

Closest friends by grade in high school:

9th grade: Annie, Teisha (the new girl in 8th grade [from 10. Twin Flame] and Tiffany. Teisha and Tiff both moved to other states for 10th grade and yet I have maintained friendships with them both. I was actually part of Teisha’s wedding and flew out to Seattle to witness Tiff’s. To this day Teisha and I joke about how we actually met because how can we not?

10th grade: Jennifer and Eric. These two went on to get married just after high school but unfortunately Eric was in a terrible hit and run accident that left him with severe brain damage. Their marriage may have ended but they are still very close and I commend Jenn’s current husband for not feeling threatened by their maintained friendship!

11th grade: Jami and Shannon. Shannon’s mother was my chorus teacher’s assistant teacher, whom I was very close to as well, and cousins with a coworker of mine at Claire’s. It was actually Shannon’s birthday the day I returned from the Mayo Clinic for the first time [06. High School/Diagnosis] and the day I had my first car accident. Oh, welcome home Jena and happy birthday to you Shannon. What a way to spend your 17th birthday. Ugh, sorry Shan!

Jami… my Jaymlinn. Jami had a difficult past to say the least and wasn’t the most well behaved teenager because of it. She was a sponsored skateboarder but her poor choices took that away from her. She was sent to live with her uncle and his husband in hopes of turning things around. That’s where I enter the picture. Jami and I met in Health Occupations class the first day of junior year. There was just this cosmic magnetic pull between us. I really cannot explain it, but she was meant to be in my life and I, her’s. She never took things too seriously and just wanted to have fun. She was an incredibly smart, kind, considerate girl. A short story writer, singer/songwriter and artist – but unless you really knew her, she just appeared as an aloof, slow, stoned – but not – stoned teenager. But I can assure you she was so much more. When we first became friends her uncles couldn’t get over the change in her. I apparently was such a good influence that they wanted me around all of the time, ha, ha. It must be the empathic healer in me. I didn’t know it because she stopped drinking when we were hanging out, but she was an alcoholic. And knowing her past I don’t blame her for trying to shut out the noise, I just wish she had the chance to in a healthier way!!

Somewhere along the way Jami fell in love with me. I had no idea and I can only imagine what it did to her when Kevin and I were good. One night at a party we were playing truth or dare. Her friend must have known or suspected her feelings towards me because he dared me to kiss her. No problem, kissing whore, remember? Jami certainly wasn’t the first girl I had kissed but I was apparently her’s. She struggled with her sexuality and that kiss just made things more confusing. For us both. In middle school there was one girl at the skatin’ rink from a different school whom I always joked around with and we called each other each other’s girlfriend. The boys went crazy over it, especially when we kissed [we never made out or anything, just a simple peck].<- Man, I really was bad… We never hung out or saw one another other than at the rink but everyone [knew] we were “girlfriends.” The joke kind of faded as highschool went on and the only time we ever talk now is via Facebook when we wish each other a ‘happy birthday’, seeing as we share the SAME birthday… and similar name, lol.

I had known I was interested in some way to both boys and girls for years, but I never really entertained the idea of actually dating a girl. In fact, it took me until my 30’s to be able to fully understand and define myself. I always said I was attracted to the person for who they are, which is true. I need to have a true emotional connection with someone to allow myself to be vulnerable or intimate with them. I’m simply unable to just look at someone off the street and desire them, but I never really thought anything of it. Then one day I read the words “Biromantic Demisexual”. Upon researching meanings I discovered exactly where I stand. I have always described myself as exactly how those two words together, is defined. Hi, I’m Jena and I am a biromantic demi woman.

I was very confused when I started to develop feelings for Jami, because, well.. Kevin. Even though Kev and I may have been “broken up” we were never [really] broken up. We still talked daily, hung out, hooked up and still shared “I love yous”. We didn’t have the label but we also didn’t try pursuing anything with anyone else. At this particular point in time I was technically single but I still felt as though I was cheating. However, I couldn’t stop myself from being close to her, kissing her. I felt as though I was this whole different person experiencing my first love. I was so confused I started to pull away and she started to slip. She started drinking again, hanging out with the wrong group of people and dropped out of school. Yup, I’m the asshole.

I certainly did love Jami; it was a type of love I’ve only ever experienced once and I know I won’t ever again. Update: we’ve been in touch here and there throughout the years but really only via Facebook or text messaging. As it turns out, she was actually diagnosed with Autism as an adult and looking back it makes a lot of sense. We did get together once to catch up for the first time in easily a decade, shortly after my youngest was born. It was nice to see her but she admitted her feelings came right back the instant she saw me annnnnd I exited stage right. I felt bad, I still do, but that’s not something I can take on. She’s a part of my past that I’ll smile upon when I think about, but in my current life we’ll only ever be a memory. I do check in from time to time because I genuinely do care for her wellbeing. [empathic healer, remember?] I wish her nothing but happiness and success, which seems to be working in her favor as she’s been 100% sober for some time now and is getting married later this year!

12th grade: Sheri. Sheri used to live 3 houses down and across the street until she moved to Florida in high school. I was so sick by this point that all of my ‘friends’ had [forgotten] me. Out of sight out of mind, ya know? Sheri and I had always been friends but it was when I was sick that we were our closest. My best and essentially only friend lived thousands of miles away, how sad is that? I owe so much to her; I don’t think she truly understands how special and important she was to me and how much I’ll always be grateful for her! I admit and apologize that I unknowingly took advantage of her friendship. She went above and beyond for me while I visited Florida twice for spring break, celebrating my 18th and 19th birthdays. But when it came to her visiting Michigan and trying to move back here, I wasn’t around. I promise it wasn’t intentional and looking back I feel terrible knowing that I more than likely let her down. I am not going to sit here and try to make excuses for why I was [selfish] because there’s no excuse for letting your best friend down. Period. I own it and will never stop apologizing. Update: She did move back to Michigan but we weren’t in contact much. She has since moved back to Florida with her husband and we’re friends on Facebook. She is working towards her Masters in Social Work and with her love and compassion, her clients will be beyond lucky being under her care! She was the best thing I could have asked for, better than I may have deserved; I will forever be eternally grateful for her love and support during the worst time of my life. I honestly may not have made it through without her!