Tag: GED

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12. Life Detour

“Life is a journey with almost limitless detours.”
― Ken Poirot

As you know, I got my GED. However, I just so happened to receive it before I turned 18 and before my class actually graduated, allowing me to get a head start at college. Taking the GED reminded me of every other “standardized test” I’d ever taken. I was both extremely nervous but also oddly calm. The test itself was relatively easy and I actually scored between the 90th-99th percentile in every area. I was shocked and found humor in the fact that I had struggled for so long, for… this? I guess the schools were [right] in that my IQ was “too high” and I mastered finding a way to “over compensate” for my struggles. ::hard, hard eye roll:: – {maybe even a middle finger or two…}

I started at the local community college because it was >free< via my FAFSA and Federal Student Aid eligibility. I grew up watching Matlock, Murder She Wrote and all Law & Orders with Auntie (along with many other classics) that I loved the idea of being a detective, buuuuut I could never see myself as an actual cop. I may have loved the idea but it was never actually a dream. Becoming a pediatric nurse had been my dream since I was about 12 and really started getting sick. There was this one particular nurse at my pediatrician’s office that helped make my visits less daunting. Her compassion, smile, kindness… She was everything I wanted to be for a sick child one day!

Oh, hello water works – didn’t expect to see you here!

As time went on and I got further into school, I really started wondering if I wanted to be either a surgeon or maybe even a medical examiner. There is this book series called, Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalo that couldn’t be more perfect for me! It’s about this young lady, Audrey Rose Wadsworth, who is essentially a forensic scientist and medical examiner during a time it was absolutely not an acceptable job for a woman, as it’s set in the late 1880’s. The first book in the series was my lucky number 22 for that 10 book reading challenge I kicked ass at [07. Ode to my Mentors]. How appropriate that my now favorite book (series) was the last book in what I consider to be my greatest achievement to date?! Not only that, 22 actually is my favorite and lucky number making it that much more meaningful! <3 Talk about synchronicity!

I may have questioned being a surgeon or an ME but that would require a lot of work, health, dependability, stability and confidence. Things I couldn’t provide. I just didn’t have it in me to try pursuing something that may only lead to major heartbreak, again. Little did I know that life is just filled with heartbreak after heartbreak; you’d think I would have learned that by then… doh.

The wait list for nursing school was so long that I took many random electives to expand my knowledge since I loved learning. I have always been a puzzle girl so discovering forensic science quickly became a new passion and goes right along with the idea of an ME or a detective – figuring out the missing link to a puzzle. It only took one criminalistics lab class and I was hooked! I was still at the community college but got everything set up for transferring to Madonna University to major in Forensic Science and minor in Genetics. I chose Madonna because they are (or were? This was over 12 years ago so idk what’s what nowadays.) the only college in Michigan that had an actual major for Bachelor of Science in Forensic Science. Every other college requires a chemistry major with a forensic minor and that was just not going to work for me…

I like chemistry, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely not something I’d like to major in. Ironically there is so much emotion when chemistry comes to mind at this point that it’s kind of a rollercoaster. Before I get to the main culprit for the emotions I have to share some pride, first. I have two incredibly gifted children, the oldest being ALL things science. He decided when he was 7 that he wanted to be a rocket engineer and help put man on Mars. We’re a few years into this and it’s still his dream! However, before that while he was 6 and in the first grade, he started memorizing the periodic table and learning everything he could about all of the elements. When I say he is all things science, I mean it. The kid was the element Oxygen for halloween in second grade… he may be difficult at times but boy do I love him!

Okay, breathe… the culprit for the rollercoaster is that on September 21, 2009 I was in a very serious car accident… on my way to a chemistry class. It was the day we were getting our first exam results back, and to this day I have no idea what I scored. I was turning left getting off the expressway when someone ran a red light at full speed and t-boned my driver’s side door. You know how in movies or shows when there’s an accident everything slows down? When you can see everything happening but there’s nothing you can do for what feels like minutes, when in reality it’s literally mer seconds? Yeah, whoever writes those scenes has clearly, unfortunately, experienced a major accident because that’s legit how it went down. At the last moment I tried turning to the right so the impact wasn’t as bad. The car was totalled and with the extent of my injuries, I don’t even want to fathom how much worse it would have been! When everything slowed down and I knew it was happening, I remember just letting go and letting it happen. I apparently opened the door and yelled a few choice words but didn’t get out of my car. I couldn’t. I apparently was able to call Igor at work and tell him but I only vaguely remember it. I also know I called one of my parents, not sure who, but I remember some older gentleman staying with me talking on my phone as I was trying to describe my health issues. Or maybe he called them? No idea. Then everything went black until I awoke in the ambulance to the EMT cutting my jeans. This is totally trivial and vain but those were my favorite jeans, dammit! They were like the sisterhood of the traveling pants, except the sisterhood was the traveling weight I yo-yoed!

I don’t remember much after waking up during transport but I do know that Igor was Speed Racer and made it from work in Brighton to the hospital before I even arrived. For reference, that’s easily a half hour drive and I was only one mile from the hospital. My mom was scheduled for neck surgery the next day and I remember us both crying because we couldn’t be there for one another. I had gotten a concussion but was never told about it, I found out years later after the lawsuit was finalized and I got all the paperwork from my lawyer! With EDS [06. H.S/ Diagnosis] my left shoulder completely rotated and due to swelling the initial CT scan and MRIs didn’t show it, but I had suffered a spinal injury. We knew something was wrong because I couldn’t feel from the waist down, but I still had some movement. I was stable enough to head home, without answers, after 5 days and barely any memory from the time of the accident through my time in the hospital. I started physical therapy 3 times a week for my shoulder and learning to walk safely without feeling. During the next 3 months sensation slowly started creeping up my left leg and then eventually my right foot on up. However, my right side has never gained 100% full feeling back. After those 3 months I had graduated from PT and roughly 3 months after that I was back getting new MRIs and reaching out to spinal/ neurosurgeons.

During those first 3 months of uncertainty I had to put my forensic plans on hold, leaving me at a complete loss of what to do next. Igor had suggested possibly looking into a quick certification that would allow me to do school remotely while I healed, while also allowing me to work eventually as I continued pursuing my degree in forensics. You see, Igor and I had just gotten engaged ONE month prior to the accident and our engagement timeline was in accordance to my finishing my degree. While unmarried, I qualified for most of my tuition being covered but once we got married that qualification would be kicked to the curb. This accident turned my life plans upside down, breaking my heart, yet again. Being that becoming a nurse most of my life had been my dream, I went the medical assisting route and became a Certified Medical Assistant under the gold standard accreditation of the American Association of Medical Assistants.

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11. Childhood Friendships +

‘Childhood friendship is the most beautiful memory that can never be replaced.’ – Unknown

Lauren; my sissy-poo, has already been discussed a bit back in post [02. Dad] – but after 6th grade she moved about 35/40 minutes away for her mom’s new job. You always grow apart when people move, however we’re ~family~. We may not have seen each other often but we remained very close. Anytime we did get together it was like no time had ever passed, we never skipped a beat. Update: she’s still very much a part of my life (30 years this year!) and prior to Covid we tried to get together monthly with our moms. She made me an Auntie and it’s the best feeling knowing that our kids are going to grow up together. Even if mine are older, lol.

I’ve mentioned my tiny but mighty, strong willed friend Jessie [06. High school] but I haven’t really discussed her. Jessie has a twin sister, Jenna, so it’s ironic that while I was friends with both of them, Jessie and I were closer. They were a year younger and lived across the street from Lauren. Small world moment, when their mom stopped working to have them, my dad was hired to replace her at his current job. We didn’t find that out until many years later. Also an ironic fun fact, my mom had a nanny, who then went on to work for my dad’s boss (before he was my dad’s boss) and then quit working for his boss to work for my parents (again, before he was my dad’s boss). Seriously crazy 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon we’ve got going on over here! Their mom was (is?) an alcoholic and they were very much victims to life with an addict parent. There were a few times throughout our friendship that their mom didn’t want them hanging out with me for no other reason other than her need to control. Which sucked because Jess and I were best friends. We were basically inseparable in middle school. By the time Jessie was in 11th grade, life at home was so bad that she actually moved in with my mom and I. That’s why she was with us that day seeing the principal. She was also with us because around that time, Jessie – your typical straight A/B+ student, decided she was done with high school bullshit and dropped out. Figured I was going for my GED. Why shouldn’t she? … Like I said, a victim of life with an addict parent. Update: I’ll always love her and wish her well, but unfortunately the friendship was just too toxic to maintain. She met my husband once after we were engaged, though I haven’t seen her since.

Closest friends by grade in high school:

9th grade: Annie, Teisha (the new girl in 8th grade [from 10. Twin Flame] and Tiffany. Teisha and Tiff both moved to other states for 10th grade and yet I have maintained friendships with them both. I was actually part of Teisha’s wedding and flew out to Seattle to witness Tiff’s. To this day Teisha and I joke about how we actually met because how can we not?

10th grade: Jennifer and Eric. These two went on to get married just after high school but unfortunately Eric was in a terrible hit and run accident that left him with severe brain damage. Their marriage may have ended but they are still very close and I commend Jenn’s current husband for not feeling threatened by their maintained friendship!

11th grade: Jami and Shannon. Shannon’s mother was my chorus teacher’s assistant teacher, whom I was very close to as well, and cousins with a coworker of mine at Claire’s. It was actually Shannon’s birthday the day I returned from the Mayo Clinic for the first time [06. High School/Diagnosis] and the day I had my first car accident. Oh, welcome home Jena and happy birthday to you Shannon. What a way to spend your 17th birthday. Ugh, sorry Shan!

Jami… my Jaymlinn. Jami had a difficult past to say the least and wasn’t the most well behaved teenager because of it. She was a sponsored skateboarder but her poor choices took that away from her. She was sent to live with her uncle and his husband in hopes of turning things around. That’s where I enter the picture. Jami and I met in Health Occupations class the first day of junior year. There was just this cosmic magnetic pull between us. I really cannot explain it, but she was meant to be in my life and I, her’s. She never took things too seriously and just wanted to have fun. She was an incredibly smart, kind, considerate girl. A short story writer, singer/songwriter and artist – but unless you really knew her, she just appeared as an aloof, slow, stoned – but not – stoned teenager. But I can assure you she was so much more. When we first became friends her uncles couldn’t get over the change in her. I apparently was such a good influence that they wanted me around all of the time, ha, ha. It must be the empathic healer in me. I didn’t know it because she stopped drinking when we were hanging out, but she was an alcoholic. And knowing her past I don’t blame her for trying to shut out the noise, I just wish she had the chance to in a healthier way!!

Somewhere along the way Jami fell in love with me. I had no idea and I can only imagine what it did to her when Kevin and I were good. One night at a party we were playing truth or dare. Her friend must have known or suspected her feelings towards me because he dared me to kiss her. No problem, kissing whore, remember? Jami certainly wasn’t the first girl I had kissed but I was apparently her’s. She struggled with her sexuality and that kiss just made things more confusing. For us both. In middle school there was one girl at the skatin’ rink from a different school whom I always joked around with and we called each other each other’s girlfriend. The boys went crazy over it, especially when we kissed [we never made out or anything, just a simple peck].<- Man, I really was bad… We never hung out or saw one another other than at the rink but everyone [knew] we were “girlfriends.” The joke kind of faded as highschool went on and the only time we ever talk now is via Facebook when we wish each other a ‘happy birthday’, seeing as we share the SAME birthday… and similar name, lol.

I had known I was interested in some way to both boys and girls for years, but I never really entertained the idea of actually dating a girl. In fact, it took me until my 30’s to be able to fully understand and define myself. I always said I was attracted to the person for who they are, which is true. I need to have a true emotional connection with someone to allow myself to be vulnerable or intimate with them. I’m simply unable to just look at someone off the street and desire them, but I never really thought anything of it. Then one day I read the words “Biromantic Demisexual”. Upon researching meanings I discovered exactly where I stand. I have always described myself as exactly how those two words together, is defined. Hi, I’m Jena and I am a biromantic demi woman.

I was very confused when I started to develop feelings for Jami, because, well.. Kevin. Even though Kev and I may have been “broken up” we were never [really] broken up. We still talked daily, hung out, hooked up and still shared “I love yous”. We didn’t have the label but we also didn’t try pursuing anything with anyone else. At this particular point in time I was technically single but I still felt as though I was cheating. However, I couldn’t stop myself from being close to her, kissing her. I felt as though I was this whole different person experiencing my first love. I was so confused I started to pull away and she started to slip. She started drinking again, hanging out with the wrong group of people and dropped out of school. Yup, I’m the asshole.

I certainly did love Jami; it was a type of love I’ve only ever experienced once and I know I won’t ever again. Update: we’ve been in touch here and there throughout the years but really only via Facebook or text messaging. As it turns out, she was actually diagnosed with Autism as an adult and looking back it makes a lot of sense. We did get together once to catch up for the first time in easily a decade, shortly after my youngest was born. It was nice to see her but she admitted her feelings came right back the instant she saw me annnnnd I exited stage right. I felt bad, I still do, but that’s not something I can take on. She’s a part of my past that I’ll smile upon when I think about, but in my current life we’ll only ever be a memory. I do check in from time to time because I genuinely do care for her wellbeing. [empathic healer, remember?] I wish her nothing but happiness and success, which seems to be working in her favor as she’s been 100% sober for some time now and is getting married later this year!

12th grade: Sheri. Sheri used to live 3 houses down and across the street until she moved to Florida in high school. I was so sick by this point that all of my ‘friends’ had [forgotten] me. Out of sight out of mind, ya know? Sheri and I had always been friends but it was when I was sick that we were our closest. My best and essentially only friend lived thousands of miles away, how sad is that? I owe so much to her; I don’t think she truly understands how special and important she was to me and how much I’ll always be grateful for her! I admit and apologize that I unknowingly took advantage of her friendship. She went above and beyond for me while I visited Florida twice for spring break, celebrating my 18th and 19th birthdays. But when it came to her visiting Michigan and trying to move back here, I wasn’t around. I promise it wasn’t intentional and looking back I feel terrible knowing that I more than likely let her down. I am not going to sit here and try to make excuses for why I was [selfish] because there’s no excuse for letting your best friend down. Period. I own it and will never stop apologizing. Update: She did move back to Michigan but we weren’t in contact much. She has since moved back to Florida with her husband and we’re friends on Facebook. She is working towards her Masters in Social Work and with her love and compassion, her clients will be beyond lucky being under her care! She was the best thing I could have asked for, better than I may have deserved; I will forever be eternally grateful for her love and support during the worst time of my life. I honestly may not have made it through without her!

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06. High School/Diagnosis

“I don’t want my pain and struggle to make me a victim. I want my battle to make me someone else’s hero.” — Unknown

Bring on high school! Starting my freshman year we had three, yes 3, high schools on one campus (4 buildings in all) and we had classes in all three schools. You were assigned a “home” school in which your locker would be, where you’d play sports for and graduate from. If you were fortunate enough to have time to use your locker, seeing your counselor could have been the only time you’d even enter your “home” school. I went to Salem but one semester I didn’t have a single class there! It’s nuts. They call it an Educational Park, but in reality it’s a small college campus for teenagers. In retrospect it’s smart because certain elective courses are only offered in certain schools, so they don’t need multiple teachers teaching the same thing throughout the district. But having only 10 minutes to get from one corner of one school to the farthest corner of another, makes for an exhausting day going back and forth between classes! There is no [break]… it would wear anyone down, but especially someone already battling extreme fatigue.

By mid-semester I had become full blown lethargic and negative mono test after negative mono test left nearly everyone calling me lazy and depressed to the 90th degree. With the help of a note from my orthopedic surgeon I was able to get out of running in gym class, but unfortunately my absences and doctor’s notes didn’t help me for swimming and I failed half the semester. Such a confidence boost, let me tell ya!

By the end of freshman year I was starting to do better and tried out for the Cheer Team: GO ROCKS! After having to give up dance, cheerleading became my love. I was so powerful and strong that I quickly became main base. I was determined to succeed and my team nickname was: “Miss Powerhouse.” Unfortunately, being a base leaves you open to getting kicked in the head by your flyer, resulting in a sprained neck. 

That sprain changed everything!    –

The trauma my body experienced triggered a response within my autonomic nervous system that would influence the rest of my life.  Remember the pneumonia I had when I was six and all the fevers with extreme growing pains? That goes with this, as do the mysterious stretch marks and migraines… I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, an autosomal dominant genetic condition that affects my connective tissue supporting my skin, bones, blood vessels and many other organs. If it wasn’t for that sprained neck and what followed, who knows how old I would have been when I found out. Secondary to EDS, I have Dysautonomia – an umbrella term used to describe the dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system is what controls everything your body does without your thinking, ie: breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, ect. 

There is no way to say with 100% certainty, however it is believed that the pneumonia triggered me to develop a mild form of Dysautonomia, hence the inability to regulate my temperature. Then with puberty, the migraines and extreme fatigue. However, it wasn’t until after spraining my neck did things go downhill fast. I started passing out and blacking out left and right. I developed tachycardia and palpitations with plummeting blood pressure. Fatigue to the point I can only describe as sleep comas. Dangerously low blood sugar and drastic weight fluctuations; we’re talking losing 25lbs in 2 weeks and gaining 50lbs back 2 weeks later! I was getting winded just talking let alone walking. I was in literal Hell!

Doctor after doctor, test after test – I was left without answers, suffering, because you know… “depression”. Not only was my health suffering but so was my social life. I had to quit the Cheer team letting everyone down just weeks before regionals. My pediatrician; the only doctor on my side doing everything she could, very bluntly told me that I must step back if I wanted to survive to regionals. I had no answers from “specialists” and she was genuinely scared for me…

Now, I’m sure you can imagine how that betrayal to my team ended. All of my so-called [friends] were now shunning me. Instead of worrying for my well being, in true stereotypical high school cheerleading fashion, the squad was more important than anything and I was now an outsider. However, the good thing about going to school with SO many kids (6,000+), is that while there were cliques and groups of friends, there were entirely way too many for the standard “cliques” and I wasn’t left completely alone. None of my best friends were on the team and my boyfriend was a star basketball player for a rival team/school.

As time went on I only got sicker and lost my friends because they didn’t understand. They were in HS, a time for fun – not to be tied back with a sick friend. My boyfriend’s family felt my health was too serious of an issue; they didn’t want me holding him back and we eventually broke up. I missed so much school it’s a wonder my mom wasn’t served papers! By mid-junior year I was homebound and school consisted of independent work and a weekly visit from the district’s homebound teacher. But you see, the problem with homebound schooling is that I was only allowed one credit a semester instead of the traditional three. So not only did I have to deal with being sick with a mysterious illness, loss of my friends and boyfriend, having a teacher stage an in class intervention accusing me of an eating disorder (when I lost all that weight so quickly) and another teacher literally talking bad about me (belittling and making fun of the situation to the class in my absence), I had to do school from home only to not be able to graduate on time even though I had a 3.6 G.P.A. 

In May of that year I ended up going to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. Mayo is a nonprofit American academic medical center focused on integrated health care, education, and research. It is one of the leading diagnostic hospitals in the world and I spent over a week there on my first visit. 

Random fun facts: My great uncle, Dr. Arnold Kadish, used to work at Mayo and it’s rumored that he dated, possibly was even engaged at one point, to one of the founder’s daughters. Arnold also invented the first diabetic insulin pump in 1963!

While at Mayo they put you through the ringer with test after test, more in depth than ever before. It was there that I was finally diagnosed with the previously mentioned Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Dysautonomia. During my first visit I didn’t qualify for an official diagnosis for P.O.T.S. – Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome but I was treated as though I did. In order to get an [official] diagnosis my heart rate needed to jump 30 bpm upon standing and mine only went 28. Medical logistics are ridiculous sometimes but I was officially diagnosed 20 months later at my second visit. Prior to Mayo, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroid disease at 15, Fibromialgia (which Mayo ruled out and changed the diagnosis to EDS), Sports Asthma (which was also ruled out, turns out that because of the EDS causing blood pooling, I get pooling in my lungs which makes it difficult to breathe.), and any psychological issues in question were found to be completely normal given all of the stress I had been under!!!

FINALLY some answers and validation. Some…

I ended up [dropping out] senior year. And by dropping out I mean I was essentially kicked out. I even tried summer school to catch up but they made it impossible. So, I made the gut wrenching decision to get my GED, but in order to do so before my class had graduated I needed someone from the HS to sign off. It was impossible to get an appointment with the principal and everyone else we tired meeting with said they weren’t authorized to do so. We ended up going straight to the principal’s office where of course his secretary told us he was unavailable. Shortly after she said that he started to walk out of his office and we asked if we could speak to him. He told us he was on his way to a meeting and to schedule something with his secretary. Of course. My friend Jessie was with us and while she may be tiny, she sure is mighty! She used her sass, politely – but direct – and convinced him to give us three minutes, just enough time to sign off on my early GED slip.

Here’s the kicker, he had zero idea who I was or what I had been dealing with. All of these school administration meetings over the past four years, not once was he filled in. WTF?!! He could not believe the way his staff had treated me and handled my case. He ended up having his secretary cancel his meeting so that he could get more detailed information from us. Without any hesitation he signed my slip and even made sure that my official record didn’t say that I was a “drop out”. Instead, he wrote that I was [transfering] and that I was continuing my education at the local community college where I was getting my GED. He apologized on behalf of his staff and wanted to assure that I still had some dignity. 

Having to get my GED sucked, but I kicked that test’s ASS and all of my scores were in the 90th+ percentiles! What made the situation suck a little less is that I technically started college early. Silver lining?