When you’re tired of, well… everything and you’re stuck in limbo, it’s really difficult staying motivated to be productive. So much planning, so many ducks needing to be lined up exactly in the perfect row, so much packing, so many unanswered questions, so many decisions needing to be made… like I don’t mind doing the above, it’s trying to care to do everything else that’s the problem.
I hate clutter, it drives me crazy, overstimulates and triggers my anxiety. I become paralyzed from being overwhelmed due to my ADHD. <- Is it still considered hyperactive as an adult when you certainly don’t have the energy to even think about being hyper? The problem is, no one else seems to be bothered by any of it. So unless I am on top of keeping everything organized and put away, it sits. Until I do it.
I’m exhausted.
I get it, my husband works all day and he shouldn’t be in charge of everything else, too. We’re supposed to be a partnership, but when I’m sick – he’s on single dad duty and I >know< how much more that adds to his plate. It’s not fair to him, I agree! And he does help out keeping on top of the dishes, garbage and our cat’s litter box on his own, but maybe picking up a dish or cup off the kitchen table when they’re not in use wouldn’t be so bad? Again, I get it, he has so much on his mind for work, bills, trying to maintain my love language’s bucket, etc. that his brain is preoccupied. I get it. I do! But is it really that hard to walk your soda can over to recycling instead of leaving it anywhere else? Or leaving their socks right where they take them off? (Ha. I know most wives feel me on this one! Husband’s too, I’m not excluding any significant others; I just tend to hear more about it from wives. ;-p) And NO, this isn’t a passive aggressive way of harping on him, these are examples of conversations previously had. It should also be noted that while we are a partnership, he is hardwired from generations of “women take care of the household and children” coming from a Russian culture. He absolutely believes it should be a partnership but I am the one home, so when I’m not sick it should be more on me. Again, I agree!!!
Though it doesn’t change the fact: I’m exhausted.
Then there’s the kids who, well anyone who’s had children or been around them for any amount of time, understands how they’re mini tornados that don’t care what they leave in their wake. Kid’s are the worst when it comes to all things clutter. I mean, my oldest has admitted he doesn’t like cleaning his room (what child does?, besides my Lori-Lou [02. & 11.]) as he too has extreme ADHD, so the overwhelming thoughts of where to begin, I understand. However, there is also legitimate truth behind his thriving in the organized chaos he creates.
Just looking into his room, I’m exhausted.
It’s been 2 years of ciaos due to the pandemic and the battles between masks and vaccines. The weather cannot make up its mind so the constant switching of barometric pressure causes any dysautonomiac [06.HS/Diagnosis] their own personal hell! It’s hard enough just to get out of bed some days. Going through hormonal changes in your thirties, more unanswered health questions for why I’ve gained 25lbs in the past year. And now Russia is initiating what could very likely result in World War 3?
I’m exhausted.
Why bother organizing and putting everything away when you are just going to be demolishing their homes, at an unanswered time? Planning a kitchen remodel/new flooring is exhausting, but I enjoy it. I’m just struggling to find the motivation to clean up the clutter when I know my house will be -organized chaos- in hopefully >fingerscrossed:knocksonwood< short order. But with the pandemic and what Russia has just done to Ukraine, all uncertainties are even higher up in the air. Looking around and seeing all the… stuff, not only overstimulates and triggers my anxiety and overwhelms me to the point of paralyzation, it exhausts me.
I. Am. Exhausted.