“An aunt is a safe haven for a child. someone who will keep your secrets and is always on your side” – Sara sheridan
So I’ve mentioned Auntie a couple of times but I haven’t touched on our relationship. Where do I even begin? I mean, it’s definitely safe to say that a part of the woman I’ve become is from what I’ve learned from her!
Back in 2018 she had a stroke that left her needing to live in a nursing home. Prior to the stroke she was likely in the very early stages of Dementia, which then the stroke caused rapid progression. At the time, we didn’t know how things were going to play out so as morbid as it may be, I had already written the bulk of her eulogy. I knew that when the time did officially come I would not be in a clear enough mindset to adequately put words together. So full disclosure, a good chunk of what I am about to share is copied and pasted…
It’s no secret how close we were. Whether it was a conscious effort or simply because she didn’t know any other way, anyone who crossed paths with Aunt Mary Lou knew my name – she made sure of it. For nearly 15 years I spent just about every weekend with her, as well as half of every summer. She made sure that my childhood was majestic- filled with an abundance of fun and adventure. She called me daily before school, and again the minute I got home. We shared everything from secrets and laughter, to plenty of arguments.
With her birthday being the end of August and school often starting on the 26th with a half day, she’d pick me up and we’d go out to lunch, Bill Knapps, naturally. Hello? Free cake! But of course Bill Knapps is just one restaurant that comes to mind when I think of her. There’s also: Breakfast at Denny’s, Lunch at Red Robin, Dinner at Sign of the Beef Carver (or “Beef Eater,” as we called it), and then New Year’s Eve at Red Lobster with shrimp cocktails and Shirley temples. Summers were spent at carnivals and pool side, enjoying freshly cut cantaloupe. I loved growing up at the pool, and knowing that tradition will live on with my kids, with their Papa and Gampy, makes my heart smile.
Just like any kid approaching their teenage years, I wanted to spend more time with my friends, and for me, that meant the skating rink and chatting online. When I was entranced on the computer chatting away, she was perfectly content just sitting quietly in the same room as me. And until I was old enough to stay out on my own, every Friday night, Auntie would show up to the roller rink and sit on a bench for 2 hours, just so I could continue hanging out.
When she was 70 she took me to Disney World and on a cruise for my 13th birthday. She loved to share that story, so it’s a worthy mention. We went to all 4 parks and downtown, just the 2 of us. We saw it all, whether she was walking, I was pushing her in a wheelchair, or even her failed attempt at using the electric scooter. Poor kids sure needed earmuffs that day… but the thing that stands out most, at 70 years old, this woman went on their thrill rides with me: Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Fast Track, Thunder, Splash and Space Mountains. I have absolutely no idea how she pulled that off, especially with her fear of heights, but I’ll never forget it!
Obviously I would be here all day if I tried to recite all of my memories of our time together, because the memories are endless. Growing up she was my best friend, and I, according to her, “the love of her life.”
Auntie had an incredibly generous nature, and was always willing to give; especially when it came to family, which was so important to her. And because family was so important, I grew up knowing family I may not have known otherwise. Financially she supported me, as well as numerous other nieces and nephews, particularly when it came to our wardrobes. Any time I brought a friend with me for a sleepover, she went above and beyond. In fact, she was so good to my friends that when she broke her hip, they all wrote her “get well” letters that I combined into a folder for her, which she’s actually held onto all these years.
If I needed anything, she made sure I had it, and when I didn’t need something, she still made sure I had it. As I got older I may not have shown my appreciation as much, especially when she boasted about it, but I sincerely never took it for granted! I knew then, and will continue to know, just how fortunate I have always been! And, while the obsessive phone calls in her later years may have brought some annoyance, I can tell you first hand that when the phone calls stop, it’s the first thing that you notice, and start to miss. March 21st, 2018 was the last time she was able to call me, I didn’t answer. And that is a regret that’ll always haunt me, but it’s also a reminder to not take anything for granted, even the day to day nuisances. However, due to Covid-19 and the banning of visitors at her nursing home, I was fortunate enough to start virtual weekly video calls during the summer of 2020 until her passing Nov. 21, 2021. I am also eternally grateful that I was able to sit with her, holding her hand, just days before her passing.
Now, she wasn’t a saint, that’s for sure. As a young child I never really thought about why Uncle Mac didn’t live there with her, until I was old enough to realize that he lived at home, with his wife. I know that their relationship wasn’t [right], but you cannot deny the love they had for each other for over 35 years! I don’t doubt that he loved his wife, too (who knew of ML), but I understand it was complicated. He came from money and a higher status in society. Unfortunately he passed back in ‘03 and my aunt had to find out via an online obituary. Talk about heartbreaking!
She loved control and knew her way around manipulation. I know she meant well, but it still sucks looking back. Sometime before he passed, Uncle Mac gave Auntie money to put aside for me for my first car. When I turned 16 I was surprised with said car, only to find out I couldn’t have it yet. My aunt had a hard time believing I was sick, how could I be? I’m perfect. Ha, right… anyway, she thought I was just being the slack-off-teenager most in my family grew to be, that I wasn’t attending school because of that. So, she gave me a keychain and a letter the evening of my birthday, while we were sitting in my car, explaining that once I made it to school for 4 weeks straight, I could receive the keys to put on that keychain. Um, those 4 weeks never happened and after a few months I finally got my car. Again, I know she meant well but definitely went about it the wrong way.
Mary Lou Wiltse 8.26.30 – 11.21.21
